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How to Kill Off Duck Hunting
in 10 easy steps (American)

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Step 1. Trespass on private property and shoot your gun off nice and early in order wake and scare the hell out of any potential non-hunter homeowners.

Step 2. Argue with said homeowners, insist that you have a right to be there, and refuse to leave.

Step 3. Even though the home owners tell you that they feed the ducks corn and, deny seeing any bait and insist that feeding ducks is illegal (even though you later find out it is perfectly legal). Continue to hunt, after all, you have a right!

Step 4. If the homeowners become more aggressive in order protect their home and family, be sure to contact an Environmental Conservation officer and have them charged with a "Hunter Harassment" charge that has no chance of sticking.  You've got a point to prove.

Step 5. You're making progress! Now you've got the homeowner (who was previously in favor of hunting) in a corner so that they have to file charges against your illegal hunting, even if they would have previously dropped the issue. Once the homeowner files charges against you, and you find out that the homeowner was right and does own to the low water mark, be sure to lie and say you never pulled your boat out of the water. Don't worry about the witnesses; the attorney that your buddies will chip in to pay, will get you off.

Step 6. Push your point as far as possible by making sure that the courts, legislators, newspapers, TV reporters, and the 93% of the population that are non-hunters (who previously had never had an opinion one way or the other about duck hunting) are aware that there is an antiquated law on the books that allows you to be zero distance from an occupied home as long as you are shooting out over open water. Make sure you shout from the highest soapbox that you can find that shooting right up next to an occupied home is currently legal in your state. After all, those anti-hunting, bunny loving, tree huggers (and all the new recruits you just created) are going to find it difficult to change the law. (However, they will!)

Step 7. Once you're home free and the courts have dropped the charges against you, lay low. After all, it didn't cost you anything, heck you may have even made money on the deal and those suckers on the chat sites that sent you donations to cover your attorney fees will never know the difference. Besides, you now have enough people angry enough so that this fight will take on a life of it's own.

Step 8. By now it's getting interesting. The homeowners are banding together statewide, getting petitions signed, and contacting their legislators. Be sure to encourage your hunting buddies to do the same because there is power in numbers and after all 7% of the population..., well maybe not all 7%, but a bunch of guys are going to agree that you have a God given right to hunt in the same places your granddad hunted, even if it no longer makes sense.

Step 9. Now is when the real fun begins. Those guys that you've left to clean up your mess are all rocket scientists, and you can sit back and watch as they fight for your right to hunt in places that most of them wouldn't have considered hunting in before you decided to assert your rights.

Step 10. Encourage every hunting organization you can find to help fight against even reasonable legislation that would match surrounding states. After all, there's a slippery slope & and unintended consequences, and if you work real hard at it you may be able to get even more people to dig in their heals and turn more people against other kinds of hunting too. Think how proud you'll be!

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