Wildfowling Magazine

Future Shock!
Hwfa Jones becomes the Last Shooter in Autumn 2015

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I used to be a wildfowler but I will not go into the details of how it was finally banned and how ALL the marshland areas were bought up by the bird protection societies from the massive income obtained from renting the marshes to windfarming[1]. Now that there are 100,000 wind generators on the marshes the sport would be impossible in any case. Can I however encourage any ex-wildfowler to give target shooting a try? It’s all there is now. I have described a typical day last week:-

I picked up the titanium box. It was the only permissible official pattern. It was strengthened with steel bars and covered with a bright red material with the words “NOT FOR UN-ESCORTED TRANSPORTATION” on one side and the national ‘Public to Police’ report line[2] on the other.

I parked in the supervised car park adjacent to the main police station and asked the guard for the APO; the ‘Accompanying Police Officer’. While waiting I wrote out the cheque for his services and signed the declaration for my gun. When the APO arrived he checked my paperwork, against the form[3] I had filled in 30 days in advance. We went to the civil arsenal set up in 2006 after President Blair returned to power. He banned all home storage of firearms after an animal liberationist[4] outcry when a farmer shot a 'domesticated' wolf that had worried 47 of his sheep to death[5]. The BBC filmed the shooting and put out on the six o’ clock news. Nothing was said of the sheep.[6] They were not filmed lest their eviscerated bodies cause a legal offence under the Vegetarian (Banning Meat on Display) Act of 2005

At the arsenal my gun was placed in the box and the APO locked it with my keys that he kept. He passed the box to me to carry and we walked to the car where I locked the box in the boot.

We drove towards the Sealand Ranges, held up only by a flock of about 12,000 pigeons, which blocked the light for 15 minutes. I scraped the windscreen and we continued.[7] The Range was still MOD approved but now with the additional civilian tunnel as all above surface shooting was curtailed on “collateral environmental grounds” The APO unlocked the case and attached the weapon to the firing point chain by the obligatory butt ring. This by law had to be installed, by an approved police blacksmith, to all civilian firearms. I noticed the splinters in the walnut around the ring had been crudely smoothed with a circular sander.

The APO checked with the MOD warden that the fans were on and that the filters were within usage dates. He then removed a small box from his briefcase, which contained my ammunition. He handed me 20 rounds and my usage form, which had spaces for the maximum of 100 rounds I was licensed to fire that year. I had 20 left. The target was a simple grey circle. The black and white target was now defunct and term ‘bull’s eye’ had been banned as both politically incorrect and inadmissible due to the animal killing connotations[8]. I fired my 20 shots to complete the years’ allocation. The cartridge cases were put into a stand. Three of them were bagged by the APO for the forensic library. The gun was put back into the case and locked in the range safe till departure. I completed the paperwork for each round fired then walked to the backstop with my sand sieve and recovered all the bullets. Back at the firing point they were counted and together with the cases they were bagged, labelled and signed by the APO and the range warden. Three of the bullets were added to the forensic envelope. I paid the range fees, the environmental damage fee and the metal recycling levy. I was not permitted to keep the target.

When the gun was returned to the police station I drove home and considered my future as a shooter. I had to stop while a pair of buzzards swooped on an emaciated robin and tore it apart in front of me on the road – it didn’t delay me more than a few seconds. The whole business of target shooting was becoming just too bureaucratic and expensive. My firearms certificate cost as much as a family car. My gun was almost an antique, a First World War Lee Enfield with some sentimental value but without a firearms license I would have to pay the fee for it to be destroyed at the approved facility. Deactivation was not an option as this had been made illegal the previous year.[9] I was also getting a rash from scratching the improved implant tracker chip we shooters had to submit to (for our own safety) and have checked annually after the police had shot someone carrying a red box without receiving a signal from an old pattern unit. It had been surgically implanted[10] in the soft skin under my right ear lobe. It would be a pleasure to be rid of it. After a “Post Shooting Society Integration Course” I could legally apply for its removal.

At my drive a flock of magpies was picking over the tipped out rubbish from my bin which had been ransacked by the pack of foxes that lived in the nearby park since the last law of predator control[11]. I parked the car and as I walked to my front door I noticed the police detector van pull away from the kerb, having checked my return. Inside the house my wife told me the checker squad (the ACPO[12] “Enhanced Firearms and Explosives Directorate”) had called while I was out and searched the house; checking as they were empowered to do at any time without notice. I noted on the sideboard a receipt for all my shooting books that I’d boxed for collection the previous day. Such books were now illegal in private homes to protect the young. Even my son’s book of ‘Robin Hood’ was on the banned list. Hopalong Cassidy (and the like) had been re-written long ago for children with the hero an environmentalist and heroic behavioural counsellor to children who had been reported by their nursery school teachers for building toy guns out of LEGO.[13]

So it was over. The marches of millions of ‘incorrect’ minorities made little difference to a government that bought votes from the majority groups; the telepizza generation that never left home[14]. They interacted by voting on all matters through the TV Cable link. Minorities disappeared with the exception of “politically correct” minorities as registered by the government. They had legal right to airtime on the BBC equal to any major national organisation.

I was beaten. I sat down at the desk to complete the so called “Voluntary Reformation Forms” which were delivered with every ‘Application to Shoot’ form’ They took two hours to complete and I was disturbed only by passers by screaming as a freed alligator[15] waddled down the road to the ornamental pond in the park and the armed robbery next door. Illegal guns were available in every public house. The Police didn’t arrive for two hours then burst in on me as the most likely suspect.

I completed the forms in the cells.

I know it’s too late for us to do anything now about wildfowling, but perhaps there is still just a chance for us on the target ranges. If enough of us get together I think we may be able to lobby for the use of shotguns again on the MOD approved ranges and get a repeal of the ‘Target Image Act’ to let us shoot at paper targets with the faint outline of a wigeon.

Orache, 2015.

[1] The 100,000 windfarms now produce 0.3% of the UK energy requirement (when it’s windy)

[2] ‘Public to Police’ Report lines (PTP’s) began in 2003 with a bounty of £500 payable to anyone informing on motorists who might have been drinking. PTP education became compusory in 2004 as part of the National Personal and Social Education Curriculum. Guaranteed anonymity allowed even children to inform on their parents. Informer bounties proliferated to reward reports TV license evasion and politically incorrect criticism of any minority group.

[3] ‘Application To Discharge a Firearm Under Police Supervision’ form no.42, 2006/2007

[4] Later investigation showed that the outcry was based on a group of 6 animal activists who had managed to write 4 million letters to the government using a subject specific random letter generator and mixed enveloper which had been made available to them in their local benefits agency office.

[5] The wolf’s’ owner sued the farmer for “personal and undue distress’ for the loss of his dog and won the case – the farmer was not insured and lost his farm and home to the complainant. He also had to erect a memorial to the wolf.

[6] All farm animals were maintained purely for the licensed carnivores since vegetarianism had been declared a religion and official policy with mandatory compliance for all people born after 2008 with tax deductions for all families voluntarily compliant.

[7] In 2001 it was reported by BASC (British Association for Shooting and Conservation) that more than 6 million pigeons were shot each year to save crop damage. When all shooting of birds was banned the flocks proliferated so badly as to cause most arable farmers to move to France, their produce now being entirely imported. The 2009 pigeon storm resulted in the collapse of several historic rural buildings and structural damage to the Severn Bridge, through both the long term weight of the birds and also the corrosive effect of their excrement

[8] Targets in the shape of living creatures were banned in the ‘Target Image Act’ 2007

[9] Gun Act 2006 – “Any gun, replica, toy representing a gun, 3D drawing, shape, article likely to be misrepresented as a firearm whether to scale or otherwise should not be kept as personal property in the home under penalty of imprisonment not exceeding 12 years and or fine not exceeding £50,000, providing no distress whatsoever can be proved. If no distress is not proved the maximum penalty is the minimum. The onus of proof to be on the accused. (Children under 7 years of age excluded but in the event of any breach by said children their parents or guardians to be considered entirely responsible and subject to the full force of the law as applicable to adults)

[10] Implants were funded by the bearer. The cost included a proportion for staffing the Regional Tracker Centres, which indicated the location of all shooter implantees on a screen as individual flashing lights. If any more than 5 were seen to be adjacent; police presence was mandatory. In 2009 an aircraft was diverted to a police SWAT base adjacent to the Cherie Blaire Centre when by chance 14 implantees took the same plane home after a compulsory police re-education conference. 2 were shot by accident when seen carrying rolled up attendance certificates, which were mistaken for weapons.

[11] The Predatory Control Laws made it illegal for person or persons to predate on any animal whatsoever and without exception. The Act of legislation was called the “Animal Rights Charter 2007”. The penalties were to be progressively introduced until 2015 when any mammal, fish or fowl would have exactly the same protection from the law as a British Citizen.

[12] ACPO – Association of Chief Police Officers.

[13] As early as the 1990’s, toy guns including those made of LEGO have been banned in all UK nursery schools. Cowboys and Indian games are similarly banned and staff are trained at college to police this rule.

[14] Since the 2006 driving acts had made motorist officially antisocial criminals licensed to travel only on alternate weeks to a maximum of 8 days per month and 4 days in any week

[15] All wild animals were freed from zoos in 2007 after an on screen TV referendum. Most carnivores died naturally, as their food supply was not considered politically correct and they preyed off each other. Some were still at large and the public was educated to lie still if attacked. Most ran away and survived.

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